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“We’re in the ‘working on it’ phase.”
“Sometimes we fight, but we love each other, too.”
“We beat each other up last month (this is my first abusive experience in a relationship).”
Lately I’ve been talking to a lot of women business owners, and the way they’re describing their businesses sounds a lot like the way some women talk about the men in their lives. Especially men we would call "bad boys."
Can I let you in on a little secret? Two years ago, I was in an abusive relationship with MY business. I was so committed to catapulting my business to the next level that I vowed to do whatever it took.
I worked around the clock. Evenings. Weekends. Holidays.
I tuned out my friends. I barely called my parents. And I hate to admit it, but I was actually THANKFUL my husband traveled during the week for work. That way, I could squeeze in a half-hearted phone call to him every night, and pay attention to him on the weekend ... in between networking events, client chasing, and the general craziness I had created.
I stopped working out. Stopped sleeping well. And stopped taking care of me.
Sure, I got results. Amazing results! But the price I paid was too high. My health deteriorated. My marriage with my husband suffered. And I felt like a slave to getting my next client.
I also felt disappointed I wasn’t getting better results. I was reading everyone’s e-zines and Facebook posts about how AMAZING their lives, businesses, and bank accounts were. And while I was bringing in six figures, I was also reinvesting every last penny back into my dysfunctional relationship. As my new CFO says, if you make six or seven figures and spend six or seven figures, you're still at zero, and that's not a healthy business model.
I was so singularly focused on MAKING my business work that I couldn't recognize my intensity and obsessive behavior were the reasons my business and my life were so out of balance. I had lost all perspective. And I began to resent my business.
I'm willing to bet that if you’re reading this, you can relate. And I have to tell you some bad news: If my story feels like your story, you and your business may be headed for a nasty breakup.
I don’t want that for you. And you don’t want that either, right? So let's look at the top five reasons why you may have lost that loving feeling for your business:
1. You’re not getting the results you want and feel incredibly disappointed.
2. You ignore your own successes and instead compare your business to everyone else’s, feeling like a total failure.
3. No offense, Tim Gunn, but you're operating out of a "make-it-work” mentality and a "have-to” space. You feel contracted, rigid, unbalanced, and MISERABLE.
4. You're overworked, overwhelmed, and frustrated that you’re not getting farther ahead financially.
5. You feel like you’re giving up too much of yourself and not getting enough in return.
Whew! I'm exhausted just reviewing the many ways I used to resent my bad boyfriend of a business. Fortunately, there is a better way. A more balanced way. A healthier and happier way to do business. And I’d like to share this NEW way of re-ENGAGING with your business.
As Beyonce says, “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it!”
Instead of being that slave to your unhealthy relationship with your business, here's my 3 step formula for falling back in love, getting engaged, and putting a nice ring on your finger:
1. Admit what’s happening.
Be honest first with yourself. Don’t judge yourself. Instead celebrate that by owning how you feel, you set those negative feelings free.
2. Ask for help.
Next, enlist support in falling back in love with your business. Hire a coach, find a mentor, get into a mastermind group, or simply talk to your friends who can understand and support you.
3. Take consistent action to get your desired results.
Just like losing weight requires consistently eating fewer calories and moving your body more, falling back in love with your business requires consistently different behavior to get a different result. Create an action plan. Follow through with it. Measure your results. Change directions when something doesn’t work. Repeat your successes when they happen.
It really is as easy as that. But you have to be ready to make the changes necessary to go from being on the brink of breaking up with your business to putting a big fat sparkly ring on your finger. So answer this last question: If your business was your boyfriend, is it time to breakup, get therapy, or put a ring on it?
Lisa Steadman is a best-selling author, sought after speaker, results coach, and CEO of Woohoo, Inc. As Chief Woohoo Woman, she helps entrepreneurs, experts and authors build buzz-worthy brands, compelling online communities, and purposeful, passionate, and prosperous platforms. If you are interested putting the Woohoo! in your business, contact Lisa via email.
